


need you by my side

by Anukutti



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Alcohol, Awkward Conversations, Awkward Romance, Awkwardness, Bad Advice, Bad Puns, Bonding, Brotherhood-era, Brotherhood: Final Fantasy XV, Drinking, First Crush, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Food Puns, High School, Hijinks & Shenanigans, M/M, OOC, Out of Character, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Pre-Canon, Puns & Word Play, Relationship Advice, Romantic Fluff, Sorry Not Sorry, Surprises, Teen Romance, Texting, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Underage Drinking, Woops, bonding over puns, but u no wat, deal with it bitches, fuck it i already wrote it, i realize i fucked up, lmao kind of crack-ish, no beta reader we die like men, pre-game, prom's eyes are actually DARKER than noct's, sorta???, too late oop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-01 02:58:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13285527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anukutti/pseuds/Anukutti
Summary: in which Prompto needs all the help he can get to talk to the Crown Prince.(Alternatively: That one IM fic nobody asked for but I desperately needed so leave me alone okay.)(Alternatively II: Prompto's just trying really hard, okay????)





	1. oh god how does social interaction work

**Author's Note:**

> scream @ me on [ tweeter dot com ](https://twitter.com/_Anukutti_), i'm hella more active there

“Oh, Gods,” mumbled Prompto.

He wrung the hem of his shirt, hands shaking as he took a tentative step forward, only to immediately take two steps back. He hid in the cover of the shade that the tall trees surrounding his schoolyard offered, but they would hide his presence for only so long.

Sooner or later, Crown Prince Noctis Lucis Caelum, heir to the throne of Insomnia and the kingdom of Lucis, would turn around and _look his way oh dear Shiva this is NOT what he signed up for-_

Relax, he told himself. Prompto took a deep breath in, and let it out slowly, trying to ease his anxious mind and racing heart. He rubbed his chest, preparing himself to go out there and talk to Prince Noctis, when-

Oh, _no_ , he’s looking this way! Mission abort mission _abort mission **abort!**_

Prompto turned tail and dashed through the wooded area as fast as he could. He tripped over a couple roots, but that didn’t matter to him because the burning in his face hurt so much more than a twisted ankle possible could.

Only when he finally broke through to a busy street, bustling with lively people who didn’t give a damn what kind of embarrassments this tiny blonde kid just went through, did he stop to breathe.

 _Gods_ , he’d never be able to live this down.

Looking at only his shoes, he silently trudged the whole way back to his home. It was empty, as usual – his parents weren’t supposed to come home until the next weekend, and even then, there was no guarantee they’d be back then, either.

He dropped his bag in his bedroom, his ass in his chair, and his head face first onto his study table. And then he groaned.

That wasn’t how it was supposed to go! What had gone wrong? Prompto replayed the events in his head. First, he was supposed to go up to Noctis, and then…

There. Right there were two of his biggest problems.

Prompto shot up like a rocket, enlightenment dawning across his face. He scrambled for a notebook, opening to the first blank page he could find and scrawling onto it as quickly as he could.

_ How To Win Over Prince Noctis L. C.’s Friendship _

_ Biggest Problems: _

  * _You don’t have the courage to talk to him_
  * _You don’t have a plan what to say!!!! why!!!!_



_ Solution: _

  * _Gain intel on what he likes – talk to people who might know him_
  * _Use previously mentioned knowledge to (somehow?) surprise him w/ something_
  * _Gain the confidence to actually talk to him ~~you loser~~ be nice to yourself prompto  >:(_
  * _??? ~~git gud scrub~~_
  * _Profit_



Prompto sighed. It was as good a plan as it was gonna get – intel, a surprise, and then friendship! That’s how it worked, right?

He sighed again, leaning back in his chair. This might be a lot harder than he thought.

The familiar gnawing feeling of hunger in his stomach, however, reminded him that Prince Noctis wasn’t the only thing in his life. He ambled into the kitchen, only to find he had run out of nearly everything without noticing. He must have been so stressed – he _did_ just have exams recently, and even Prince Noctis wasn’t _everything_ , he most certainly was _something_ – he just didn’t notice.

Grabbing his wallet, he walked out the door, and if he was hoping to coincidentally run into Prince Noctis just by chance, he wasn’t admitting that to himself just quite yet.

* * *

 

By the time he was done shopping for groceries, he had two bags filled to the brim with various vegetables and whole lot of bread. He didn’t know why, but the freshly baked smell was enticing, wafting through the air and luring him in until he bought seven loaves of bread that he totally didn’t need.

As he was about to leave the marketplace, he spotted a familiar face – a face that he recognized from his hours upon hours of ~~stalking Prince Noctis~~ browsing the Insomnian government’s official website of political and royal figures.

This was Ignis S. Scientia, the royal advisor of Prince Noctis, and if anyone knew the prince, it was probably this guy.

Paying no mind to the poor souls he bumped into, he frantically dashed after the advisor, nearly dropping his groceries. Ignis seemed to notice, because he suddenly stopped and turned around just as Prompto caught up to him.

“Hi,” said Prompto, a little breathless.

Ignis made no visible movements, aside from adjusting his glasses with a hand weighed down by a seemingly hefty plastic grocery bag.

“Uhh, can I talk to you for a little bit?” Prompto didn’t know where this sudden courage was coming from (or why it didn’t show up when he wanted to talk to Prince Noctis), but he wasn’t going to complain.

Ignis’ facial expression changed slightly to something Prompto couldn’t quite place. “I have duties to attend to. I assume you know who I am?”

Prompto’s face reddened. “Uh- well, I- yeah, um- yeah, but- I- I was hoping, kinda… um….” He trailed off, his throat and face heating up rapidly. He fidgeted in his place, unable to meet the royal retainer in the eyes anymore.

He gripped his fists tightly. _I can’t back out now. Not when I’m so close._ He forced himself to look up, and said, “I wanna be friends with Prince Noctis. Please help me!” And bowed his neck, hoping that would be enough, because the rest of him was too frozen to move.

After a moment of silence, he heard a sigh. He glanced at Ignis’ face, and it was considerably more relaxed than before. He gestured to a nearby alley with his head, saying “this way,” quietly.

Relief washed over Prompto like a wave as a smile broke out over his face. Finally! A step closer to his goal.

The alley was dark, and even smaller than expected. The wall Prompto leaned against was kinda damp, too, which was sorta gross.

“I’m not going to ask why you’d want to be friends with the young prince, because I’m not stupid enough to look a gift horse in the mouth. _However_ , I do wish to know, if it isn’t invasive of me, to ask why you wish to befriend Noctis.” Even though Ignis said it with the utmost dignity and respect, Prompto immediately felt intimidated and trapped.

“Uh,” he started. “I- I took care of this dog, once, right? And, uh, it- it was, like… it wasn’t _my_ dog or anything, but it was- it was a stray, ya know? And, um, it like- I called him… her? I called it Tiny, and Tiny, he, uhh… Tiny ran away and I was-“

“ _Excuse me,_ Mr…” Ignis cut him off sternly. Prompto shrank.

“Pr-Prompto Argentum, sir.”

“Mr. Argentum. Please, do you mind hurrying this up? I have duties to attend to.” For some reason, the way Ignis said “duties” made something shrivel up and wilt in Prompto.

“R- Right. Uhh, it turns out this dog? Was actually Lady Lunafreya’s dog. She asked me to be friends with Noctis, and I’ve been trying since, but…” He shrugged. “I haven’t been able to.”

Ignis merely nodded. “I see. Well, I’m afraid I won’t be of much help right now. I’m rather preoccupied, you see-” at this, he held up the grocery bags “-and I can’t quite help you out with anything right now.”

Prompto nodded, disappointed. Then he noticed Ignis was eyeing him weirdly. Did he have something on his face? He was about to pull out his phone and check, shifting his bag of bread to the other arm, when-

Oh. Ignis was eyeing the seven loaves of bread he bought.

Prompto laughed. “Uh, this bread? Um, it was an impulse buy. Not that I’m bad with my money! I’m pretty careful, usually, I just… wanted… bread.” He chuckled nervously. “You know, most of these bread guys were just sitting there alone, right? Didn’t want them to keep being lonely, so…” He was rambling. He was babbling, and if he didn’t leave _now_ , he’d say something monumentally stupid. “I just got. Didn’t want them to grow up and become a-loaf.”

There was a heavy silence. Ignis made a face. Prompto thought, _damn. I fucked that up **royally**._

To ease the situation, he laughed as he started to step out of the alley. “Yeah, um, I see my pun wasn’t very much appreciated, so I guess I’d… bread-er leave, right?” Ignis made another face. Oh, Gods, he was making this worse. He tried to will his feet to move faster, but his own shame was working against him, making it hard for him to move right amidst the embarrassment.

“Come on, Prompto,” said Ignis, adjusting his glasses yet again, making Prom stop dead in his tracks. “Bread puns went stale _yeast_ -erday.”

“Did you just… did you just hit me with a two-in-one?”

* * *

 

So long story short, Prompto now has Ignis S. Scientia, the royal advisor to the crown prince Noctis, on speed dial in his cell phone.

* * *

 

_quik_silver: hey iggy_

_quik_silver: can I call you iggy??_

_Ignis.scientia: Do I have a choice in the matter, Prompto?_

_quik_silver: lmao fair point_

_quik_silver: since you’re basically waterlogged w/ responsibilities i dont wanna bother u too much_

_quik_silver: so is there ne1 else i can bother????_

_Ignis.scientia: Hmm._

_Ignis.scientia: There may be one person I can recommend you to._

_quik_silver:_ _Ö_

_Ignis.scientia: Here, let me find his number for you._

And that was how Prompto came into contact with Noctis’ shield, Gladiolus Amicitia, for the first time.

\--

Gladiolus Amicitia, first and foremost, was not a force to be reckoned with. Even through his dinky little phone’s tiny screen, he could feel the intimidation rolling off Gladiolus’ text messages in the way he demanded a face to face meeting. He said he’d heard something about someone wanting to be Prince Noctis’ friend and demanded that he be screened personally by the shield himself.

Anxious, Prompto stood outside of the designated meeting place, which was-

Surprisingly, it was a joint coffee shop and bookstore. It seemed like a relatively laid-back place, hidden in a nook of the city streets, away from the bright fluorescent lights. The moment he stepped inside, the overlapping aromas of sharp, freshly ground coffee and the musky encompassing smell of old books and brand-new paperbacks clashed in the best way, creating a cozy, warm environment. Prompto had never expected a shield to pick this place to meet up, of all places.

He scanned the room for anyone who looked remotely like a protector, and he didn’t have to look hard.

A man, no older than 18 or 19, sat at one of the tables. He held a well-worn book in one hand, a coffee in the other, buff as shit arms, and, like, a million tattoos. He looked classy with his white button up and pressed jeans, but also like if you looked at him wrong, he’d rip your throat out and feed it to a dog or something.

Prompto was terrified.

He cautiously stepped up to the overbearing man, standing still next to the chair directly opposing Gladiolus.

“Um, are you Gladiolus Amicitia?” Prompto’s voice came out meeker than expected, sounding like a fearful mouse.

Gladiolus looked up. “Yes, that’s me.” His expression changed from intimidating to soft in a matter of seconds. Maybe he wasn’t expecting someone like Prompto – maybe he was expecting someone a little more… scary.

Prompto sighed inwardly. He was no stranger to disappointing others, but it hurt all the same.

“Sit down.” Prompto obeyed. “Tell me about yourself.”

“Uh…” Prompto was at a loss. What would he say? _Oh, yeah, my parents are never around. I’ve been basically living alone since elementary school. I like taking pictures. Animals are my weakness. I don’t like insects. I’ve always wanted to be Prince Noctis’ friend since grade school when I nursed Lady Lunafreya’s dog back to health and she asked me to befriend the Prince as a favor, but I don’t have the guts to walk up to him or the foresight to plan what the fuck I’d say._

Yeah. Like that’d do him any favors.

“Well. I wasn’t expecting an infodump, but it’s much appreciated all the same.”

What the fuck.

Prompto’s face heated up as he realized he’d _actually said that stuff aloud_ , in front of the shield’s face. He couldn’t imagine what Gladiolus must think of him now.

That’s a lie, he can totally imagine it. He just doesn’t want to.

Gladiolus cleared his throat. “Look, you’ve already gotten on Ignis’ good side. In my opinion, he’s a lot harsher a critic of character than I am.” He took a sip of coffee. “If Ignis is comfortable enough with you to freely give my personal number, you’ve already passed in my books.”

“Then… why’d you ask for an in-person meeting?”

“Curiosity, mostly. Wanted to see what kind of kid wanted to befriend the Princess that badly.”

“He’s a- I mean, she’s a girl?! What?!” Prompto jumped in his seat, shocked. Gladiolus laughed heartily, tears forming in his eyes.

“No, no- _shit_ , kid,” he had trouble breathing through his laughter, somehow spitting out words. “It’s a- ‘s a joke!” He laughed harder, while Prompto reddened, laughing a little along with him.

He was a little ashamed, yeah, but he didn’t really mind it this time.

* * *

 

So, long story short, Prompto now has Gladiolus Amicitia, Shield to the Future King of Lucis, Noctis, on speed dial #2 on his cellphone.

* * *

 

_quik_silver: uhh gladio???_

_Shixldxflxcis: who said you could call me that_

_quik_silver: uhh sorry sir!_

_Shixlfxflxcis: nahh im just fuckin w/ ya_

_Shixldxflxcis: whacha need_

_quik_silver: well I was just wondering if you knew anything that prince noctis might like_

_quik_silver: im planning on approaching him with something he likes so hed be more accepting of me_

_quik_silver: does he have any hobbies????_

_Shixldxflxcis: uh I know he’s unhealthily obsessed w/ video games and fishing but…_

_Shixldxflxcis: other than that not much. Sorry kiddo_

_Shixldxflxcis: cant you ask specs?_

_quik_silver: ???? w h o m s t_

_Shixldxflxcis: oh_

_Shixldxflxcis: that’s my nick name for ignis :P_

_quik_silver: ah_

_quik_silver: poor iggy_

_quik_silver: hes like swamped in work_

_quik_silver: id feel bad! D:_

_Shixldxflxcis: gotta point there._

Somewhere in Lucis, a mildly tipsy Gladio was enjoying his second shot, somehow coherently texting Prompto at the same time, when the most brilliant idea came into his moderately drunk head.

“He’s gonna have a fucking heart attack when he gets texts from this poor kid,” he mumbled as he nearly pissed himself giggling.

_Shixldxflxcis: here’s a guy I know’s number_

_New Contact:  xxx-xxx-xxxx_

_Shixldxflxcis: he’s in charge of His Royal Heinie 24/7 when im not there so he probably knows better than I do about the kid_

_quik_silver: pfft_

_quik_silver: his royal heinie what the fuck_

_quik_silver: no offense_

_Shixldxflxcis: you know, all three of the messages you just sent constitute 99% of what runs through my head every time that lil shit runs his mouth_

_Shixldxflxcis: if I hear one more fuCKING time about his goddamn new-release video game im going to actually shove his entire playstation_

_Shixldxflxcis: like_

_Shixldxflxcis: up his ass_

_quik_silver: new release you say????_

Prompto had part of his plan checking out nicely. But he had heard something about fishing, too, and he wanted to learn about that, too, before going out and getting… whatever video game it might be.

But first, he wanted to contact that number.

* * *

 

Turns out, you’re not supposed to have access to the number of Cor Leonis the Immortal.

Prompto gets in a lot of trouble, and is kind of detained for a little bit.

It’s not particularly formal, he’s assured – he’s just held up in the local police interrogation room while Cor fucking Leonis grills him.

Informal, his ass.

“Now, I need you to _very carefully_ , and _very deliberately_ choose your words, and tell me. How in Ramuh’s name did you get my personal contact information?”

Cor paced around the room fairly menacingly, instilling more fear into Prompto’s already-terrified-heart. “I, uh… I was just…”

“ _Tell_ me!” Cor slammed his hand down on the table, making Prompto jump – and reach his breaking point.

“I’m sorry, sir,” he breathed out, voice cracking on the last word. His lower lip trembled as the anxiety the situation was causing him caught up with him, tear threatening to- no, actually spilling from his eyes.

“I- I didn’t mean to- I was just-“ His chest was heaving, and he felt weak, especially in the presence of the Immortal. “I was- looking for someone who could give me advice, and- I think he gave me the wrong number, I’m- I’m terribly sorry!” He scrunched his eyes closed to prevent any more tears from falling, tightening his fists against his lap as he dropped his head. He focused on breathing – that is, until he heard the slide of something on the table near him. He looked up to see that Cor had passed him a box of tissues.

“Thank you,” Prompto said, slightly muffled due to his stuffed nose.

“Now, kid, I didn’t mean to make you cry. Sorry about,” Cor waved his hand, gesturing to Prompto’s entire being, “That whole thing. Uh,” he sighed. “Alright. Mind telling me what kind of advice requires me?”

Prompto nodded quickly, sniffling. “Yeah, um. I wanted to become friends with Prince Noctis and, uh… I’ve been getting the help of a couple of people close to the Princes and someone said ‘hey, this guy is with the young Prince whenever I’m not, so try asking him,’ and I did, and here we are.” Prompto made a little gesture, like he was displaying something in front of him, before dropping his hands onto his lap. Cor just nodded, silent and not making eye contact.

Then he got up. “Well, sorry to burst your bubble, kiddo, but I know as much about Noctis as you do. We don’t socialize all that much. I only really know the basics, which you probably already know by now.” Maybe Prompto missed it, but he could’ve _sworn_ he saw the Immortal roll his eyes. “Video games, fishing, sleeping, and… not veggies.” Cor chuckled. “Yeah, Ignis always seems to be on edge ‘cause the prince apparently never eat his veggies.”

Prompto chuckled, suddenly remembering the nickname Gladio gave the Prince. “His Royal Heinie,” he whispered to himself.

“His Royal _what?_ ” Cor snapped to him. Prompto stiffened.

“Uhh, nothing-” Cor fixated him with a glare until Prompto gave in, which really didn’t take much. “I- I said ‘ _His Royal Heinie._ ’ You’re not gonna, like, get me beheaded for treason or something, right?”

Cor sighed. Then, contrary to the painful torture Prompto was expecting, he began to laugh. “Prompto, can I ask you one thing?”

“Yes, sir!”

“Was it Gladio, by any chance, who gave you my number?”

“Uh, y- yes, sir.” Prompto nodded. Cor shook his head, still smiling. “Alright. Well, maybe Clarus might be able to help you.”

“Clarus? As in, Clarus Amicitia, Shield of the hundred and thirteenth king of Lucis? _That_ Clarus Amici-“

“ _Yes_ , kid, Clarus Amicitia! Shiva, do you automatically distrust everyone like this? Actually, don’t answer that. I have no interest in any sort of expositional tragic backstory.”

* * *

 

While he was talking to this poor kid who got accidentally pulled into this whole debacle, a thought struck him on how to _perfectly_ get back at that little shit Gladio.

* * *

 

So, _very_ long story short, Prompto now had the number of the Immortal, Cor Leonis, commander of the Lucian Crownsguard, on speed dial #3 on his cellphone.

Prompto was beginning to notice a pattern, here.

* * *

 

On the Saturday his parents were slated to come back (but didn’t, big surprise there), Prompto set out to go talk to Clarus Amicitia. Much to his surprise, however, someone was already waiting for him outside his home.

“Mr. Leonis?!” Prompto was stunned, planted in place by his own astonishment.

“Yeah. What, you weren’t expecting you’d be able to just walk into the Citadel and get an audience with the Shield, now, were you?” Cor raised an eyebrow, and Prompto realized that he had, once again, failed to plan ahead.

“Haha, yeah…” He smiled sheepishly as he stepped forward. He caught sight of Cor’s ride, and _damn,_ it looked fucking nice. Sleek and streamlined, a classy shade of black, with seats that, even from outside of the car Prompto could tell, probably cost more than everything Prompto ever owned combined. Shaking his head to snap himself out of it, he forced himself to get in the car, handling himself carefully so as not to get fingerprints on the pristine surfaces.

The drive was silent and slightly awkward. Despite there being no hard feelings, Prompto couldn’t help but feel the slight air of foreboding, that something was going to go really wrong. He breathed deeply, willing himself to relax. It didn’t work.

Cor finally broke the silence. “I’ve already heard from Gladio and Ignis why you’d want to befriend the prince.” He gave him the side eye before returning to the road. “You don’t have any… ulterior motives, do you?”

“What? N- No!” Prompto flipped out. “I would _never…_ uh, do whatever it is you might be thinking!”

“Good.” There was more silence. “I didn’t suspect you of something like that anyway. You don’t seem like the kind of kid capable of that kinda shit.”

Prompto relaxed, then stiffened. “Wait, what do you me-“

“We’re here!” Cor cut him off, paring in front of the Citadel’s stairs. “Get out, kid. You’re about to have an audience with Clarus Amicitia. You ready?”

“ _No_ , this was a horrible idea and-“

“Are you fucking- don’t chicken out _now_ ,” Cor sighed, looking frustrated. Prompto swallowed, then nodded.

“Fine, fine… you’re right.” Prompto started walking to the Citadel doors, Cor following close behind. “Too late to chicken out now.”

* * *

 

He knew he should have thought about this better.

He should have _known_ that talking to the king’s Shield automatically fucking meant the _king_ would be there too.

Prompto was seated comfortably in a relatively small meeting room with two cozy looking couches. Cor stood next to him, and when Clarus opened the door and let King Regis in first, all the color in Prompto’s face drained away as he became acutely aware of his pants with the slightest of ketchup stains on the hem. His fingers grew numb and he couldn’t feel his legs, which was the only reason he didn’t book it out of there immediately.

Once King Regis got situated on the opposite couch, he took one look at Prompto’s petrified expression and laughed, hard. “You need not be so afraid, Prompto!”

“He- he knows my name…” Prompto barely breathed out. This only made King Regis laugh harder.

“Of course! You want to be my son’s friend – why wouldn’t I know your name?”

Prompto blinked, trying to will away the fear that grabbed ahold of him, attempting to say _something_ that wasn’t monumentally stupid.

“Your son’s advisor likes bread puns. Did you know that?” _Fuck_.

Clarus Amicitia pursed his lips in amusement as King Regis smiled, clearly holding back more laughter. “No, but thank you for the invaluable insight.”

Prompto could no longer meet their eyes.

“Now, I’ve heard you’ve been asking around the Citadel’s officials to see how you can more easily befriend my son.”

“Y- Yes, sir. Uh, Your Majesty. Sorry,” he grimaced. King Regis just shook his head, smiling fondly.

“It’s quite alright. I take it that they’ve already told you some of his hobbies?”

“Yeah, um. I know he likes video games. And fishing! He, uh… doesn’t like veggies, I’ve heard.” He looks around the room, trying to recall everything. “And if I remember right, he likes sleeping too. I dunno any specifics, though, so that’s about it.” He shrugged.

“Well, you’ve gotten pretty much everything. I can supply you with the details, if you want.”

Prompto’s face brightened up. “Really?” He asked eagerly, and quickly toned it down when he saw the look of amusement King Regis was giving him. “Uh, I mean, thank you, Your Majesty.”

“And speaking of details, can I ask how you managed to get involved with Cor Leonis here? It’s a matter of national security.”

“Oh-“ started Prompto, growing even more anxious, but Cor cut him off.

“Clarus, your son decided, mostly likely drunkenly, that it was best to send my personal contact information to a civilian for, and I am assuming here, the ‘shits and giggles,’ sir.”

Clarus’ fists tightened, and Regis merely looked away. Prompto sighed in pity for the poor Shield. He had a shitstorm coming for him very soon.

* * *

 

Prompto didn’t know when he had all these important figures’ phone numbers in his contacts list, but now he had the Shield of the King and the fucking _King himself_ on speed dials #4 and 5.

This pattern was beginning to concern him.

* * *

 

At home Sunday evening, Prompto took a look at his list. Then he crossed off two things from it.

_ How To Win Over Prince Noctis L. C.’s Friendship _

_ Biggest Problems: _

  * _You don’t have the courage to talk to him_
  * _~~You don’t have a plan what to say!!!! why!!!!~~_



_ Solution: _

  * _~~Gain intel on what he likes – talk to people who might know him~~_
  * _Use previously mentioned knowledge to (somehow?) surprise him w/ something_
  * _Gain the confidence to actually talk to him ~~you loser~~ be nice to yourself prompto  >:(_
  * _??? ~~git gud scrub~~_
  * _Profit_



Then he added something.

  1. _Prince noctis likes video games (particularly assassin’s creed – what good taste befitting a future king) fishing (what is he forty-five) sleeping (agreeable) and hates veggies_



_1a. Somehow(?) get ahold of new asscreed game coming out in like three days (the king even promised not to get it for prince noctis just so you could) and get two copies because you love asscreed too ~~u fucking loser~~ what did I say about being nice to yourself prompto  >:(_

_1b. King Regis said there was that fishing pole he wanted but never got around to getting and he gave u the link to buy it for him. dont be a dumbass go get it_

_1c. mmm i think he’d appreciate a neck pillow. we’ll get him a neck pillow how about that_

_1d. uhh idk offer to eat his veggies or smth for him idk im not the fuckin prince_

Prompto smiled. That should do it.

* * *

 

A couple hours later, Prompto crossed off the fishing pole. That shit costed more than rent for a year, no _thank_ you.

* * *

 

He _did_ manage to get the Assassin’s Creed game the day it came out. And in the next store over, he somehow scored an Assassin’s Creed–themed neck pillow too. He didn’t even know they made neck pillows like that for _any_ video game.

* * *

 

_quik_silver: aight yall im going to go talk to noctis tomorrow for the first time in EVER are you READY_

_Ignis.scientia: No, actually._

_Shixldxflxcis: oh come on don’t be a wuss iggy!  
_

_Ignis.scientia: Did you just call me “Iggy”? Since when did you adopt Prompto’s nickname for me??_

_Shixldxflxcis: when prompto started texting me duh_

_Lionheart: shut the fuck up all of you_

_Ignis.scientia: Gladio._

_Ignis.scientia: Do you mind elaborating why Cor happens to be in this group chat?  
_

_Lionheart: beast boy here thought it was a good idea to give a civilian my # and also put me in the chat_

_Lionheart: neither were very good ideas imo_

_quik_silver: …_

_Shixldxflxcis: … did u call me beast boy_

_Lionheart: you have the courtesy of an animal so I found it appropriate_

_quik_silver: shots fiRED_

_Lucis_Official: This is Clarus and King Regis does not find this amusing_

_Lucis_Official: This is Regis and I absolutely find this extremely amusing_

_Lucis_Official: Please pay no mind to us_

_Ignis.scientia: gladio where is my aspirin_

_Shixldxflxcis: oh so its weird when I call you by prompto’s nickname but it’s not weird the other way around???_

_Ignis.scientia: You know you don’t really care._

_Shixldxflxcis: yeah I really don’t_

_Lionheart: i constantly hear people griping about group chat notifications_

_Lionheart: never understood it until now_

_Lucis_Official: Oh yes Gladio_

_Lucis_Official: Clarus would like to talk to you about a couple of things_

_Lucis_Official: Obviously about the whole contact information thing_

_Lucis_Official: And also about potential underage drinking_

_quik_silver: :O_

_Ignis.Scientia: gladio where iS MY ASPIRIN_

_Ignis.scientia: IF YOU TOOK IT_

_Shixldxflxcis: uhhhhh idk what any of you are talking about_

_Shixldxflxcis: also I agree with cor group chats are hell_

_Shixldxflxcis: bye_

**_Shixldxflxcis (Gladiolus Amicitia) has left the group_ **

_quik_silver: wasn’t he the one who made this chat???_

_quik_silver: w/ever_

_quik_silver: i got the video game and a neck pillow and uhh_

_quik_silver: that fishing pole is wayyy outta my budget sorry :,(_

_Lucis_Official: No matter Prompto that just means I have something left to give to Noctis on his birthday_

_quik_silver: cool!_

_quik_silver: uhh its getting kinda late and tomorrow is Friday_

_quik_silver: still got school_

_Ignis.scientia: Sleep well, Prompto. And good luck._

_Lionheart: yeah good night kiddo_

_Lucis_Official: You have a big day tomorrow – wishing you the best of luck from the Citadel!_

* * *

 

Prompto scrolled through the messages, then turned off his phone and held it close to his chest. Never in his life did he ever expect officials from the court of Lucis (including the king himself! what!) to be _cheering him on_ in the quest to befriend Prince Noctis.

* * *

 

Friday afternoon. Prompto stood in the front yard of the school, Prince Noctis just ambling around the school, waiting for Ignis to come pick him up.

Little did the Prince know that Ignis was already there. He was just hiding in the trees with Prompto. And Gladio. And, for some reason, Cor. He said something about how he “didn’t want anything funny happening and can’t trust any kid who drinks underage to be any good at his job,” to which Gladio huffed indignantly. However, everyone knew Cor was here for the same reason the other two were.

They wanted to see the culmination of their collective labors put into action. Frankly speaking, they wanted to see how this whole thing played out.

Prompto had his little list in his hand as he crossed off his second problem of having no confidence, because he knew that even though he barely knew these people, Ignis, Gladio, and Cor had his back. He flashed them a smile and he stepped out of the trees, toting his backpack that seemed heavy with what was inside.

“Uh, h-hi, Prince Noctis,” Prompto started shyly. However, it seemed as though the young prince didn’t hear. Prompto exhaled, came closer, and tried again. “H- Hi, Prince Noctis.”

At this, Noctis spun around, startled.

“Oh, no! I’m- I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you!” Prompto started to flip out a little, holding his arms out defensively. “I- uh, I wanted to talk to you!”

Noctis relaxed, but then became visibly confused. “Talk to me?”

“I- well, yeah.” Prompto shrugged. “My name’s Prompto Argentum. We’re in the same grade?”

“Uh, yeah. I knew that. I see you every day.” Noctis gave him a look that instantly made Prompto feel intensely stupid.

“Yeah! Yeah, of course,” Prompto played it off. “Of course you would – pfft. Stupid me,” he laughed as he smacked himself in the forehead playfully. Noctis was still giving him the look, so Prompto quickly tried to amend the situation. He fumbled around in his bag, moving aside schoolbooks, when-

“Aha!” Exclaimed Prompto as he pulled out a small box, crudely wrapped in shiny blue wrapping paper. Noctis took it, albeit a little hesitantly, and began carefully pulling apart the tape on the shoddy wrapping.

He opened the box, and his face immediately lit up. “This… How’d you know I liked Assassin’s Creed?” Noctis pulled the game’s case out of the box, and continued looking at the tiny pillow inside.

“Uh…” Prompto didn’t know how comfortable Noctis would be if he found out that Prompto had been conspiring with Noctis’ dad, so he settled for something that was _also_ the truth. “I like Assassin’s Creed, too. Guess I just got lucky.” He smiled.

Noctis looked dumbfounded as he stared at Prompto, a half-smile on his face. “I- thank you. No one’s ever… I mean…”

“What? You’re the _Crown Prince_ – you can’t tell me no one’s ever tried to be nice to you!”

“That’s actually _exactly_ why no one does nice things for me like this.” Noctis sighs as he puts the game back in the box, putting it in his own backpack. “I think maybe everyone’s so scared of my _title_ ¸ they forget I’m still _me_ , you know?”

Prompto nods, because even if he 100% can’t relate regarding the reason, the whole no-friends thing was far from foreign to him. “I get that. Hey, wanna play the game? Like, now?” Prompto asked, eager to change the subject and start the whole bonding experience that he had only ever seen in the media.

Noctis just smiled, and it alone made Prompto’s entire day. “Yeah, absolutely. My place?” Prompto was elated.

Somewhere in the background, Gladio cheered while Ignis merely rolled his eyes at him, smiling, and Cor just nodded in approval.

* * *

 

_quik_silver: yo what the fuck_

_quik_silver: did i win_

_Ignis.scientia: Please watch your language, Prompto._

_quik_silver: sorry iggy!!! :,,,,((((_

**_Lionheart (Cor Leonis) has added Shixldxflxcis (Gladiolus Amicitia) into the chat_ **

_Lionheart: we’re celebrating kid_

_Lionheart: thought you wouldn’t appreciate being left out of the loop_

_Shixldxflxcis: hell yeah!_

_Shixldxflxcis: PARTYYY_

_quik_silver: PARTYYYYYY_

_Ignis.scientia: Enough, both of you._

_quik_silver: D,:_

_quik_silver: sorry mom_

_Shixldxflxcis: HA_

_Shixldxflxcis: HE CALLED U MOM_

_Ignis.scientia: Yes, I heard that, Gladio._

_Ignis.scientia: *read_

_Shixldxflxcis: aw don’t be mad at him_

_Shixldxflxcis: its not like its his fault you’ve got an enormous stick up your ass like 25/8_

_Ignis.scientia: If you’d rather me promptly remove it from mine and shove it up yours, keep talking._

_quik_silver: oof_

_Shixldxflxcis: oof_

_Lionheart: oof_

_Lucis_Official: oof_

* * *

 

**Private Messages**

_Shixldxflxcis: hey prompto_

_Shixldxflxcis: you do realize you dropped your list right_

_Shixldxflxcis: i got it for you and_

_Shixldxflxcis: let me tell you kid_

_Shixldxflxcis: it is so adorably fucking lame_

_quik_silver: DUDE_

_Shixldxflxcis: lmao “offer to eat his veggies for him or smth” that is literally the funniest shit ive seen all day wtf_

_quik_silver: D U D E_

_quik_silver: D:_

_Shixldxflxcis: “be nice to urself prompto”_

_Shixldxflxcis: “git gud scrub”_

_Shixldxflxcis: “fishing – what is he forty-five”_

_Shixldxflxcis: fucking comedy gold_

_quik_silver: D,:_

_Shixldxflxcis: would suck if this got in the wrong hands_

_quik_silver: gladio no_

_Shixldxflxcis: wonder what would happen if_

_quik_silver: hoe don’t do it_

_Shixldxflxis: the prince got ahold of this???_

_quik_silver: oh my **gods**_


	2. if you like it rough then you'll love it when i stutter as i try to attempt human interaction because god teenage years are hARD

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> noctis' pov. basically the same stuff but how he percieved it. not as funny sorry. yall can skip it you want. unbeta'd

The first time Noctis Lucis Caelum ever set his eyes on his blonde classmate, he was confused.

He had seen this boy around — they were classmates, he knew that much. He didn’t talk much, and he liked to take pictures and look at them during the breaktimes. Other than that, though, he didn’t know anything else about him, not even his name, first _or_ last.

But there was something… intriguing about this boy. Noctis’ eyes seemed to linger on this mysterious boy whenever he walked around the school grounds. One time, the boy looked back, and Noctis noticed he also had blue eyes, just like him. But they were a much lighter color than his own, and far brighter than any other pair of eyes he’d ever seen.

He kinda wanted to talk to this ~~pretty~~ perfectly average-looking and somewhat intriguing boy, but he was too busy fending off the sudden influx of girls coming to his table, trying to impress him. By the time he managed to drive them off with sheer indifference, the boy was gone. He left nothing more than a couple of disturbed leaves and an empty space behind.

At that moment, Noctis wanted to look at his eyes again more than anything in the world.

* * *

 

A few days later, while traversing school grounds waiting for Ignis to come pick him up, he felt a pair of eyes watching him from a distance. He was familiar with this sensation; as current prince and future king, he had people staring at him lots of times. However, this particular gaze didn’t seem to shift, even after a solid couple of minutes. Noctis turned around, but he saw no one. Ignis had just driven up, anyway, so he just shrugged it off and got in the car.

As he fidgeted in the backseat, Ignis asked a lot about how his day was, did anything happen, et cetera. Noctis responded with the most generic, low-effort responses he could muster, staring out the back window at the rapidly moving city view. He let out a long breath, quiet enough so Ignis wouldn’t catch it (Ignis did, but he didn’t comment on it), and closed his eyes.

He didn’t sleep, but he rested himself the whole way home.

And even at home, he wasn’t particularly tired or sleepy (for a change), but also didn’t really feel like doing anything. He aimlessly read magazines and comics, scrolled through his gaming news network feed ( _Assassin’s Creed Release Slated for Next Week! _ — the article was mocking him and his grounded ass). Ignis became a little concerned for him, but said nothing on the subject of Noctis’ lethargy that afternoon, for which Noctis was grateful for.

Eventually, he _did_ doze off with his biology textbook on his face, because if you don’t fall asleep reading about the Krebs Cycle, who even are you?

* * *

 

_Ignis.scientia: Prince Noctis, it is eight in the evening._

_Ignis.scientia: I suggest waking up and finishing your homework._

**_-9:02-_ **

_Ignis.scientia: Prince Noctis._

_Ignis.scientia: It’s been an hour. Please wake up, you won’t be able to finish your homework otherwise._

**_-9:48-_ **

_Ignis.scientia: Prince Noctis, it is very late. Please wake up._

_Ignis.scientia: Prince Noctis._

_Ignis.scientia: Prince Noctis._

_Ignis.scientia: Prince Noctis._

_Ignis.scientia: Prince Noctis._

_princeofpain: ignis with all due respect shut the fuck up_

_Ignis.scientia: Watch your language, young man._

_princeofpain: watch me_

_Ignis.scientia: Noctis, that’s not particularly advisable._

_princeofpain: fuck_

_princeofpain: shit_

_princeofpain: bitch_

_princeofpain: dickhead_

_princeofpain: pwussibwoiii_

_princeofpain: damm thottie what dat ass do tho_

_Ignis.scientia: Astrals._

_princeofpain: hope that paycheck is enough for dealing w/ all of this!!!_

_princeofpain: [[image.jpg](https://naratu21.deviantart.com/art/He-s-So-Proud-Of-Himself-726041379?ga_submit_new=10%3A1516175982)]_

_Ignis.scientia: No amount of money in the world would…_

_Ignis.scientia: Hold on._

_Ignis.scientia: If you were using both your hands to point your thumbs at yourself like a common primate, how did you take the picture?_

_princeofpain: did you know that if you have amazing dexterity_

_princeofpain: like me ;)_

_princeofpain: you can balance a sword on top an a table????_

_Ignis.scientia: Oh, no._

_princeofpain: and you know how my phone has this charging port in the bottom???_

_Ignis.scientia: Oh, my gods._

_princeofpain: well you can basically impale my phone on this tip of the sword!!!_

_Ignis.scientia: **Oh,**_ _my **gods.**_

_princeofpain: woah I didn’t know you could underline stuff in the messenger!_

_princeofpain: wooOWoOUoooWOOwoooOOwooOOoOOOooOo o oO Oo o_

_princeofpain: hold up_

_princeofpain: did i just sodomize my phone????_

**_Ignis.scientia (Ignis Scientia) has disconnected_ **

_princeofpain: haha_

* * *

 

Over the next couple of days, he noticed his retainers acting… weird.

_Ignis.scientia: You like the Assassin’s Creed games, yes?_

_princeofpain: yeah why???_

_Ignis.scientia: Merely checking. Research purposes._

_princeofpain: ???? ok_

Doesn’t Ignis normally reprimand him for playing Assassin’s Creed so much? Huh.

When it was just Ignis, though, it was fine. But then…

_Shixldxflxcis: hey kiddo_

_princeofpain: yeah_

_Shixldxflxcis: how often do you go fishing?_

_princeofpain: uh every couple of weekends why???_

_Shixldxflxcis: no reason, no reason. Just checking._

_Shixldxflxcis: research purposes_

_princeofpain: ?????????? um?????_

_princeofpain: okay??????_

Things got even weirder when it was Cor fucking Leonis.

_Lionheart: hey prince_

_princeofpain: lemme guess you wanna ask a vague question about one of my hobbies then proceed to follow my answer with a “research purposes” huh_

_Lionheart: no what the fuck_

_Lionheart: slow your fuckin roll kiddo_

_Lionheart: I was gonna ask how are you getting along with the kids in your school_

_Lionheart: anybody I need to watch out for?_

Noctis rolled his eyes and jokingly started writing something really long, just so the “is typing” symbol would freak Cor out for being on the screen so long; it was TOTALLY unprecedented when said monologue ended up being about that blond boy.

_princeofpain: well theres this blond kid whos hair looks like the ass of a fuckin chocobo right and I see him around school sometimes??? And he’s surprisingly weird. Like not in a bad way but like…. I wanna talk to him more. And I think maybe he shares the same sentiment??? Idk im probably just looking into things too hard. Anyway recently I’ve been “sorta” running into him more often- meeting his eyes, seeing him in the hallways/school grounds more often, etc, and its kilLING me bc I wanna talk to him!!!!! so fuckin bad!!!!!! And this little shit is so goddamn motherfucking elusive im going to acTUALLY cry. And don’t even get me started on his fuc **king eyes oh my gods have you seen his eyes?????** Like have you ever seen that meme that goes “I once saw a man so beautiful I almost started crying”???? that one????? Bitch that’s fucking **ME** on multiple spiritual planes of existence rn I might actually die. He has such bright beautiful blue eyes that give even mine a run for my money (is that vain? Probably but fuck it) and ive only ever seen them from afar ~~but god if it weren’t creepy id honest to ramuh take them and keep em for my own~~ actually that IS really fucking creepy scratch that uhhhh. Anyway. ya. So there’s that. U mind stalking this blonde kiddo for me???? He’s my height, my age, soft (I assume) blonde hair, soft in general by the looks of it, sparkly blue eyes, always has a camera (for some reason) and ya. But other than that my school life is pretty mundane hbu?_

Noctis stared at the screen for a moment, then laughed at his own stupidity. How dumb was it to go off on a rant about this ~~beautiful~~ boy like this? His thumb reached for the little “x” that deleted entire messages at once, when he noticed it was gone.

“Hm,” he mumbled to himself, thinking maybe they got rid of the handy little feature in an update or something. He then went for the backspace button (“guess I gotta old school it, then”) when he noticed his message wasn’t changing at all.

_Lionheart: huh_

Noctis’ face burned.

_Lionheart: well thanks for that information_

_Lionheart: really helpful for uh_

_Lionheart: research purposes_

_Lionheart: … “u mind stalking this blond kiddo for me” pfft_

Oh, gods.

 _Bahamut? Is that you? Have you come to take me to the afterlife?_ Were the only thoughts running through this poor boy’s head before he chucked his phone across the room and buried his head in his pillow.

 _Fuck_.

* * *

 

On Saturday, as Noctis was walking around the Citadel, looking for some way to avoid his responsibilities, he noticed his father walking with the slightest bit of urgency with Clarus. Normally, he’d brush it off, but he knew that this particular week, the ring had taken a significant amount of energy from his dad, and it was really draining. The fact that there was something sp urgent that he was speed walking (albeit with the aid of his Shield) was, admittedly, a little fucking terrifying.

Noctis gave in to his urge to follow him, and did his best to stealthily stalk them, all the way to a meeting room on the other side of the Citadel. What dickwad would make the ailing king walk all this way just for a meeting? Noctis began to seethe with anger, his fury clouding his thoughts until he thought to ~~eavesdrop~~ understand the situation within the closed room. He leaned against the large doors, and he made a mental note to both congratulate and reprimand the person who made these doors, because they muffle the sound _really_ fucking well.

“…be…afraid!”

“…my son…”

Was his dad talking about _him?_ Noctis pressed his ear closer to the door, listening more carefully.

“Your son’s advisor…did you know that?” Ignis?! What did he have to do with any of this?

“…invaluable insight.” So they were trading information, huh. Noctis shook his head, then suddenly became scared. Was someone stalking him, and they were trying to blackmail the king? Was that what he felt the other week, that creepy stare boring into his back? Noctis shuddered, continuing to listen.

“…take it they’ve already told you…”

“…I remember…specifics…”

“…pretty much everything. I can supply…” Noctis’ breathing stopped.

Was his own father was willingly supplying something to this man? What kind of dirt did this stalker get his crummy little hands on to sway his own father?

“…matter of national security.” Noctis had enough. He summoned his training sword from the Armiger, ready to bust in (even though in retrospect this would have been a _very_ bad idea), when he heard Cor Leonis speaking.

“…Clarus, your son…drunkenly…to a civilian…” Noctis’ eyes widened, and he used his sword to _warp_ the fuck outa there, because he was _not_ dealing with whatever shit Gladiolus decided to do while shitfaced.

* * *

 

One Thursday, while Gladiolus was in charge of doing babysitting duty, Noctis noticed something… odd about Gladiolus’ phone. It was going off frequently, and every time he checked it, he would chuckle and type something in response.

Now, considering the events that had transpired the day prior, Noctis absolutely did _not_ want to be involved in any of Gladiolus’ shit, so he didn’t pry into the sudden influx of notifications.

“Did this fucker just call me _beast boy_?” He heard his Shield mumble under his breath, and now Noctis wanted even _less_ to do with whatever kinky kinda bullshit was going on.

Suddenly, Gladiolus’ face paled, all color draining away within a matter of seconds. He quickly typed sometime on his phone, then hurriedly shut it all the way off.

“Dude, what the fuck,” whispered Noctis, too scared of the answer to speak any louder.

“Uh, I got in trouble. It’s nothing.”

“Did you drink?”

“What the — how’d you know?” Gladiolus looked stunned. Noctis cackled.

“Luck, I guess,” he said, shrugging it off.

“Uh- huh. Whatever, Princess.” His Shield rolled his eyes, causing Noctis to huff at him, frustrated.

“Excuse me? This is _treason_ , I’ll actually have you tried, you-”

“You want to have me tried? Try me.” Gladiolus gave him a look that drained any rebellion straight from his body into the floor.

Putting his hands up defensively, Noctis said, “Alright, alright — chill, dude.” Gladiolus just rolled his eyes again.

Before he went to sleep, he scrolled through his phone one last time, gazing longingly at the game which he wouldn’t have for at least another two weeks (he said he was sorry – he, honest to Shiva, didn’t realize how sick ~~Ignis~~ people would feel when they were warped through), then fell asleep.

* * *

 

Noctis woke up, his alarm having never gone off, bleary-eyed and groggy. He took one look at the time, and the fear it instilled in him was enough for him to accidentally warp out of bed.

“ _Fuck_ ,” he cursed under his breath as his knee went straight into a table corner.

Even though he was late as shit for school, he still ambled around his kitchen as though he had all the time in the world, because fuck running around in the morning. That shit’s for heathens. He just casually walked through various rooms in various states of half-dress, with various food items in his mouth, shifting through various stages of muted panic.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_ , Ignis is actually going to murder me if I’m late, _shit_ ,” he mumbles repeatedly as he finally puts himself together and gets out the door, still mildly panicky.

He made it to the school with just two minutes left, managing to avoid a tardy penalty by just the skin of his teeth. As he slides into his seat, he glances at the blond boy out of the corner of his eye.

The boy isn’t looking at Noctis, looking very focused at pulling his schoolbooks and whatnot out of his bag.  Not that he was expecting the boy to look his way, just… it might’ve been nice.

Maybe. Noctis wasn’t promising anything.

Whatever. Class was starting, anyway – he didn’t have time to think about this.

* * *

 

That burning sensation is back, and it’s burning more than ever.

He was simply walking around the school grounds, loitering around because Ignis said he’d be late today ( _ha, look who’s late_ now _, huh?_ ), when his magical-Lucian-crystal- ~~(spidey???)~~ -sense decided to tell him “ _turn around bitch you’re being followed,”_ even though he didn’t see anyone when he did turn around. He turned back to his phone, mindlessly scrolling through his feed, wondering if being the prince of Lucis could get him the game behind his dad’s back, then suddenly feeling guilty for trying to lie to his father like that. He still couldn’t shake the feeling that people were watching.

Multiple people. Like… four people or something.

He registered the footsteps behind him a second to late, and was incredibly ~~scared~~ taken off-guard when he heard a shy, “H- Hi, Prince Noctis,” from behind him.

Noctis nearly pulled the biggest sword from his Armiger before he saw the skinny kid standing in front of him. It took him another couple of seconds to realize that this was the same blond kid he’d been ~~admiring~~ observing from afar.

“I- uh, I wanted to talk to you!” What?

“Talk to me?” This kid seriously just wanted to talk to him?

“I- well, yeah. My name’s Prompto Argentum. We’re in the same grade?”

Noctis tried to come off as cool, but he thought that maybe he tried to hard and hurt the poor kid’s feelings, because Prompto immediately smacked his head like one of those goofy cartoon characters and apologized. Them he began rummaging through his bags, as though he were looking for something when-

“Aha!” Prompto took a tiny box that had been badly wrapped in metallic blue wrapping paper, taped together haphazardly. Noctis took it tentatively, then slowly began to take apart the wrapping, tape piece by tape piece, so as not to rip any off the blue wrapping.

When he opened it…

Oh, _Gods_.

It was fucking Assassin’s Creed.

Noctis honest to Shiva thought he was gonna die right there. King of Lucis? Yeah, no, he’ll just platinum this and then die peacefully. Life fulfilled. If there were some prophecy about him out there somewhere, it was probably to save the world or whatever in-game, then immediately die.

He then suddenly remembered that maybe he should thank the poor soul who probably stood hours in a waiting line just for some validation.

“This… I…” Words. Words were hard. “How’d you know I liked Assassin’s Creed?” Yeah, that was a functional question. Way better than his first thought of _“bitch what the fuck!!!!”_ paired with the biggest smile ever.

“I like Assassin’s Creed, too. Guess I just got lucky.” Immediately Noctis knew he was lying to hide something, but he didn’t sniff into it too much, because a) he didn’t have anything else to suspect him of and b) he’s not as dumb as Ignis might think, he not stupid enough to look a gift horse in the mouth, and c) fukci Ng A **SSSAsin’** _s cr **ee**_ d oh m _y g_ **o d _s hol_** _y sh iiiiii_ **ttttt**

“i- Thank you. No one’s ever… I mean…” He tried to say something back of sentimental value, but words were still hard.

“What?” Prompto openly expressed his disappointment that people didn’t talk to the Crown Prince, and Noctis gladly complained right back – it ended in him basically having a gaming buddy, so Ignis can take his gods-forsaken carrots and shove them right back up where they (most probably) came from, because complaining _does_ get you places, you stuck up glorified nanny! Ha!

Instantly Noctis felt extreme guilt and regret for even having thought such a thing about his advisor, even though it was extremely short lived. He was too busy thinking about playing aSSa **ssi** _n ‘_ s cr e _e_ **d** to think too hard.

Somewhere in the background, someone cheered

* * *

 

_princeofpain: yo what the fuck_

_Ignis.scientia: I’m getting serious déjà vu._

_princeofpain: lmao what_

_princeofpain: newayzzz_

_princeofpain: hey eggnegg_

_Ignis.scientia: Prince Noctis, how many times have I kindly requested you to not address me by that nickname?_

_princeofpain: Advisor Ignis, how many times have I kindly established that i do not, in any way shape or form, at any time or in any place, have i ever, do i ever, or will i ever, give a singular Shit™?_

_Ignis.scientia: I should have expected as much._

_princeofpain: okay but I texted you because I had a real and serious concern_

_princeofpain: regarding my safety_

_Ignis.scientia: Is everything alright? Are you feeling unsafe right now?”_

_princeofpain: nah not now but_

_princeofpain: back at school it felt like a lot of people were watching me or smth_

_princeofpain: it even felt like a specific # idk if it’s just the crystal talkin to me or what_

_princeofpain: it felt like,,,,,,precisely three to four people staring at me_

_princeofpain: it was weeirrdd_

_Ignis.scientia: Ah._

_princeofpain: dyou know anything about it???_

**_Ignis.scientia (Ignis Scientia) has disconnected_ **

_princeofpain: what the fuck_

* * *

 

_princeofpain: buff bara gladi-o_

_Shixldxflxcis: yeah_

_Shixldxflxcis: whaddaya need_

_princeofpain: I like how you don’t even respond to that nickname lmao_

_princeofpain: anyway I told ignis about how I felt like there were a few people watching me after school today_

_princeofpain: do you know anything about that?????_

_Shixldxflxcis: um_

_Shixldxflxcis: uh_

_Shixldxflxcis: no I don’t why_

_princeofpain: gladiolus amicitial those were **the most incriminating** three texts ever to be sent from you phone_

_princeofpain: spill motherfucker_

_Shixldxflxcis: no_

**_Shixldxflxcis (Gladiolus Amicitia) has disconnected_ **

_princeofpain: you know if these are the type of people that my father put in charge of protecting secrets and hiding classified information im really honestly concerned for our nation’s future_

_princeofpain: because these idiots can’t lie for **shit**._

* * *

 

_princeofpain: cor gods help me_

_Lionheart: are you okay kid?_

_princeofpain: yeah but_

_Lionheart: wait why the fuck do you have my number what even_

_princeofpain: oh gladiolus gave it to me like forever ago_

_Lionheart: are you kidding me this is the second fucking time_

_Lionheart: what is he gonna give to one of the chicks he tries to pick up on the streets_

_Lionheart: newsflash bucko “did it hurt when you fell from heaven” stopped working way before even the fucking wall went up dumbass_

_Lionheart: had to learn the hard way_

_princeofpain: haha oh my gods_

_princeofpain: youre so telling me that story_

_princeofpain: wait_

_princeofpain: this is the second time he’s handed out your personal info??_

_princeofpain: when was the first??_

_Lionheart: uh_

_Lionheart: bye kiddo_

**_Lionheart (Cor Leonis) has disconnected_ **

_princeofpain: WAIT WAIT WAIT_

_princeofpain: aw, fuck._

* * *

 

_Shixldxflxcis: kid kid kid kid oh my gods_

_Shixldxflxcis: you know that kid you befriended? Prompto???_

_princeofpain: yeah???_

_Shixldxflxcis: apparently he wanted to be you friend **so bad** he made an entire fuckin list_

_Shixldxflxcis: a **strategic fucking plan** to befriend your sorry ass lmfaooo_

_princeofpain: omg **w h a t**_

_Shixldxflxcis: hell Yeah_

_Shixldxfxlcis: lookit this_

_Shixldxflxcis: [[image.png](https://naratu21.deviantart.com/art/prompto-s-list-725514359)]_

_princeofpain: HAHAHA OH MY GODS_

_princeofpain: I mean I feel bad for laughing_

_princeofpain: but its not a mockery kinda laughter_

_princeofpain: its so endearing omfg_

_princeofpain: “Prince Noctis L. C.” lmao dood im not that official_

_Shixldxflxcis: you’re the prince._

_princeofpain: o rite_

_princeofpain: “offer to eat his veggies for him or smth idk im not the fuckin prince” IM-_

_princeofpain: “fishing – what is he forty five” bitch I’ll have you fucking know that-_

_princeofpain: “sleeping (agreeable)” hmm. this boy seems to know a lot about me. very suspicios.  but I won’t question. he agrees with sleeping. always a good sign. always._

_princeofpain: “gain intel” is this a secret sting operation??? Lmao im fucking dying over here_

_princeofpain: he’s so wholesome too holy Ramuh_

_princeofpain: he even writes little notes to be nice to himself when he’s mean to him aw_

_princeofpain: by the way none of this is gay aight_

_Shixldxflxcis: this is totally gay_

_Princeofpain: fuck off_

_Shixldxflxcis: im dating ur advisor I think id know gay_

_princeofpain: what the **actual** fuck_

_Shixldxflxcis: uh_

_Shixldxflxcis: oh shit_

_princeofpain: wait it looks like he talked directly to my dad???????_

_Princeofpain: **W H A T  T H E  F U C K**_

_Shixldxflxcis: goddamit I need ignis for this_

_Shixldxflxcis: IGGY_

**_Shixldxflxcis (Gladiolus Amicitia) has added Ignis.scientia (Ignis Scientia) into the chat_ **

**_Ignis.scientia (Ignis Scientia) is not online_ **

**_Ignis.scientia (Ignis Scientia) has disconnected_ **

_Shixldxflxcis: FUCK me_

_princeofpain: Iggy??? Who the fuck calls him iggy????_

_Shixldxflxcis: oh gods_

_Shixldxflxcis: the more I speak the worse it gets_

_Shixldxflxcis: I G G Y_

**_Shixldxflxcis (Gladiolus Amicitia) has added Ignis.scientia (Ignis Scientia) into the chat_ **

**_Ignis.scientia (Ignis Scientia) is not online_ **

**_Ignis.scientia (Ignis Scientia) has disconnected_ **

_Shixldxflxcis: F U C K  M E_

**_Shixldxflxcis (Gladiolus Amicitia) has disconnected_ **

_princeofpain: what the **actual ever-loving  f u c k ? ? ? ? ?**_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry it wasn't as funny as the last one. wasn't really feeling myself today. maybe i'll edit it later when im feeling better. anyways, hope you enjoyed!
> 
> oh and also! gladio's [image.jpg] actually does lead to my version of prompto's list. please click! i have to get a new computer so my normal paid art program is gone. i have to buy it again TAT and until then im using a really shitty free one, so this list was way fuckin harder to draw than necessary. pls don't let my efforts be to waste!! tysm if you did visit <3

**Author's Note:**

> good luck. i needed to write something hella self-indulgent so here u go :)


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